Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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