Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize