Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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