I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
