why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
