Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
