I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
this is an emotional support booty call
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
