while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I party with great urgency now.
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