respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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