I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
