I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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