i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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