If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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