a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
