just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
