you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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