I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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