Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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