Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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