I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
