like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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