she was so not down for the gang bang
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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