He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
