I faked an abortion last night.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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