I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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