U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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