My friends, they love my intelligence
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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