Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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