a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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