you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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