A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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