Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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