The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
and she was petting her beer can
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
