this beer tastes like vomit already
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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