Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's Friday. Sex?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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