My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think i got beer on your cat.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
