I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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