i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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