i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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