Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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