Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
this is an emotional support booty call
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
