Fine. I'll sleep in my office
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
