Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
