i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
being pregnant is like rehab
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
