my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
where does the pee come out of this thing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
