Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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