I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
