i may or may not be watching the land before time
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
