Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
