I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
