if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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