did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
