Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i think i have two assholes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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