No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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