I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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