I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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