I wanna bring you to show and tell
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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