Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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