at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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