Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
