Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
