tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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