I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
