Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
