Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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