My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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