she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
