I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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