Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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