I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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