have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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