Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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